The Power of Prayer

I came home Friday afternoon, and Facebook & Twitter were full of nothing but references to the events in Connecticut. I rarely watch the news.  Social media lets me know when there is something big going on.  The news is depressing.  Evil in this world is depressing.  And most media outlets sensationalize it. 

I maintain my life as a drama free zone.

What’s really important?

And not to diminish the tragedy and lost lives, because truly words cannot describe how horrible it is.  I mean that.  But the reaction seemed a little over the top in proportion to what happened.  And I feel sad saying that because shootings like this happen way too regularly.  Not always with little kids, and not always on this large a scale, but it happens too often.  And my Facebook newsfeed is seriously full of almost nothing but statements related to the event. Pray for everyone involved. Occasionally something about gun control laws.  But a lot of “pray for” statuses and pics.

I am in favor of prayer.  Prayer rocks.

Why aren’t we constantly in prayer? Why is my newsfeed not constantly flooded with pictures of candles or, better yet, puppies & kitties praying? Maybe we are all constantly in prayer. I suspect – based on my own personal experience and distractions – that this is not the case, though.

Before today’s stuff happened, I had my own prayer journey this week.

When we last talked, I had finally taken some action on the latest whisperings from God. He has seen fit recently to plant a phrase in my head from time to time. Different phrases at different times, and when I can’t shake it after a few days I usually realize it’s probably real and I should do something about it. 

This time a friend needed prayer.  And just as quickly, I needed it back.  We agreed to pray for each other.  And not in a “I’m going to re-tweet this picture” kind of way, we really mean it.

Many of you have figured out and / or heard I suffered a major wipeout last week, causing multiple bruises down one side of my body. A couple days later, I burned my hand pretty badly. What only a select few were aware of, though, is that I had to go through this past week without antihistamines.  Periodically my doc retests me to see if the various and sundry treatments are working – shots, namely – and if adjustments need to be made. To get a true read on the test results, I have to spend five days detoxing from that which keeps me from breaking out in hives on a regular basis.  In the past, by day two or three I have been itching uncontrollably.  Even the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet itch.  I come close to losing my mind trying not to scratch my skin off.  Try getting anything constructive done while you’re in that state.

This week I made it through relatively unscathed.  A little twinge here and there, but nothing, and I mean nothing like in the past.

I had asked for prayers for calmness. And calmness I got. I felt like I was wrapped in a big fleece blanket hug from God all week. I floated through the week. It was almost surreal.

What an awesome, amazing, divine surprise.

God. And prayer. Those are my only explanations for how I got through this week.

And it’s how I will continue to get through every week, every day, every moment.

Peace

Ahhhh … peace.

Ms. Genius over here finally sought out a second opinion on the subject of these little whisperings from God that have been going on – the latest episode anyway – for a couple of weeks.  I usually feel like I’ve lost my mind on these things.  I worry that I’ve invented thoughts in my own head and am speaking and dictating more than I’m listening. 

How many times do we get a song stuck in our heads and go all OCD with it.  Does it mean something, or does it not mean something?  Does it just have a good beat & we can dance to it?

But not this time. 

I was right on the money.  Nothing uber dramatic.  Well, completely & totally God-inspired, but yeah.  It was just a general “oh oh we need each other” (thank you, Matt Hammitt) kind of thing.  Which is kind of what I thought, but I was too busy telling God he was either wrong or a comedian to do anything about it.

And all is right with the world. 

Oh yeah, I may have soapboxed a few things along the way.  Hey, I have opinions.

With my conservative religious upbringing, burning bushes are purely an Old Testament thing. We don’t really expect God to talk to us via flaming hedges these days.  Btw, I have promised to make a phone call immediately should the landscaping burst into flames and start speaking.   I wonder if tweeting the pope would suffice …

And speaking of flames, my klutziness continues.  I burned my hand on the oven. Second degree.  Kind of glad I wasn’t scheduled to play this week.  Ugh.  I might need someone to pack me in bubble wrap.  This is getting kind of ridiculous. 

Words and nudges from God.  I’m starting to get better at heeding them sooner rather than later.  I have a long way to go.  Don’t we all.  Having that second opinion helps.  As does a go-to second opinion provider who, to date and to my face anyway, has not called me insane.

I also have to think back and wonder how many times I haven’t recognized God’s leading or chose not to believe it, and what could have been if I had done something different.  Not regret, just a “how many times do I have to see that he fixes everything before I shorten that discernment process and act” kind of observation.

He fixes everything.  Not necessarily how we expect, but he fixes everything.  Always.

Deer or Pavement

Sometimes God hits you with a deer in the car door.  Sometimes he hits you with the pavement.

As I write this, I am arranged carefully on a variety of ice packs.  I’ve been experiencing issues mastering the art of walking. 

So whatever it was I started writing about yesterday … whatever point I was trying to make … I don’t really remember.  It’s a good thing I got a decent workout in yesterday, because today is a day off for sure.  And who really needs a soapbox anyway.

I did have a thing on my agenda today requiring manual labor.  No excuses … I did it anyway.  Against my better judgment.  I think I survived relatively unscathed.  Yay, another item off my to do list.  Onward to more secret elfin magic missions.  But first more rest & ice & all that good stuff.

So God has been whispering this phrase to me for a couple of weeks.  As is my custom, I have been in denial and telling him he’s wrong and must be joking.  And then today it hit me.  (Ha!)  I guess that even if I decide to acknowledge this particular little revelation as true, I’m not really sure what to do about it.  I guess I could ask.  (!!!)  Hello.  Duh.  

For as much as some people seem to think I’m a super-genius or full of inspirationalness or something, I would be wise to heed my own advice at times.

I don’t come up with inspiration and wisdom by ignoring what God and people are saying.  I don’t keep calm and carry on just by conjuring it up myself.  Everything is connected, and I don’t believe in coincidence.

So I’m just gonna breathe here for a minute.  And stop worrying about being right or making a point or explaining anything.  I’ll just go back to listening …

Inciting Panic

I’ve been struggling with what to write this week.  I suppose because some of the thoughts in my head are not suitable for public consumption.  If they were suitable, I’d be happy to share them, but sometimes … well sometimes I need to practice that grace thing and try to learn.

Occasionally I just need to go drink coffee and not be around people.

I feel like I have stepped into another dimension.  And it’s not even the Twilight Zone.  Oh the Twilight Zone is calling to me … I can still hear it … I’m just a step or two away at the moment.  And the phrase it’s whispering to me this week is most interesting.

So.  Labels.  And assumptions still.  And this psychological study I somehow find myself conducting.

My labels of “strong and independent” & “dependable and reliable” are making me weary lately.  I have come by those labels naturally over many years.  When you don’t have anyone knocking down the door to take care of things for you … you figure it out yourself.  When you ask for help & don’t get it … you figure it out yourself.  When others offer to help … and then you ask … and then they let you down … you figure it out yourself.

I don’t mean to be Wendy Whiner here, just observing what appears to be a theme all-of-a-sudden just lately.

I lift my eyes unto the hills … where does my help come from …  

Yeah, that’s pretty much it.  I count on God.  He rocks.  Always.  And as the saying goes … he doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but I wish he didn’t think so much of me sometimes. 

And I wish chivalry weren’t dead.  I’m always delighted when someone offers to carry heavy things for me.  So I guess it’s not completely dead. 

Have you ever asked a question and got an answer back to a completely different question?  And it opened up a whole can of worms? 

Lest you think there are squirrels running rampant across this page, let me explain.  I was looking for help with something recently.  Looking for a little chivalry I suppose.  And before I could even get to the “would you please” part … well … I think I got a can of worms.  An open can.

There I go again, inciting panic.  Maybe I come by that naturally too.  I have been referred to as “Trouble” more than once.  J

Here, let me take care of that for you.

Petri Dishes and Patience

I don’t like being sick and having to slow down.

I may be a strong, independent woman, but my immune system is not aware of this fact.  So every now & again I have to give in and go get antibiotics.  I’m all over the natural and nutritional remedies, but sometimes they aren’t enough for my unique case.

I am a festering petri dish of cold and sinus germs at the moment. 

And don’t forget unique.

Now that I have meds, give me about 24 hours, and I’ll be back to my usual Tigger-like self.  I have actually taken long hardcore naps the last couple of days.  I really don’t nap much anymore.  I’m healthy enough I don’t need to.  Yay.

So my lesson in patience continues.  I’m thinking it’s a lifelong lesson.  Decades at the very least.

God actually has been whispering to me on one of my patience issues.  He says he’s got it, it’ll be fine, it’s gonna turn out like he said, I just need to wait.  OK, fine.  I’m not seeing it, but ok ...

I try to rely on him for when to speak and when to shut up and wait.  Really I do.  Those of you who know me well know how difficult it is for me to shut up.  There are so many words flying around in my head that sometimes they just need to escape.  Picture an insolent child stomping her foot and clenching her fists, though.  And you wonder why I work out. 

J

I think it’s time for more meds … and relaxation, whatever that is … and sleep …

Free

I love being free.

I had lunch today with a friend and former coworker who is still in Corporate America.  Corporate America is still much the same as when I left. 

Whenever I talk work with friends and family still doing the corporate thing, I feel like …

Praise God I’m not there anymore.

And not today so much, but sometimes the stories make me think … well, I look at people stressed out and so wrapped up in corporate shenanigans … and I’m reminded that I was there once, in that exact place in my life.  I didn’t realize how easy the choice really was to do something different. 

Does it take some risk and stepping out on faith?  Sure.  So do a lot of things worth having in this life.

I guess I’ve taken on some of the traits of one of my sounding boards who – usually when I’m rambling while looking for an answer to something or another – gives me The Look … which says, in so many words, “Really?” … “Did you hear what you just said?” … “Stop thinking so much.” … “It will all work out, it always does.” … “You know what you should do, so go do it.”

J

Sometimes I just need to be told.  Don’t we all.

Today was good.  Reinforcement that I’m on the right path.

We all have a lot more choices than we think.  Some get that and some don’t.  And some just like to complain.  Or so it seems.  I prefer positive attention over negative attention and sympathy, though.

Interestingly, I read an article this week that says entrepreneurs tend to be healthier than non-entrepreneurs.  Amen.

Stepping away and having some perspective rocks.

Assumptions

Just assumptions tonight. 

I’ve had a couple weeks of craziness and travel and craziness and such.

Assumptions.  We all operate within the world of our own assumptions.  But what about when you realize people have made assumptions about you that aren’t quite on the mark?  It seems to be a theme just recently. 

Let’s see …

Eating habits.  Some people seem to think I’ve been on a liquid diet of things that don’t taste good for the last year-and-a-half?  Um no, I eat “real” food every day.  And the protein shakes I drink taste good.  An advocate of a certain points-counting program wrinkled their nose up at me the other day and said, “Don’t you have to keep drinking those shakes?”  Well, yeah, I get to keep drinking those shakes.  J

Math.  And economics.  Some people just don’t understand.  Or maybe don’t want to.

80% nutrition, 20% exercise.  I am the poster child for this.  How many times have I heard, “I just need to exercise more.”  Well, yeah, everyone should exercise.  And for those who think I work out like a beast for hours … do you know my whole story?  I have physical / medical limitations that mean it’s pretty much workout-light for Jenn. 

What I want and what I need.  (To quote Daughtry.)  Sometimes even I don’t know what that is.  And when I do know and I say it … there are still no guarantees.  And when I do know and I don’t say it or don’t say it clearly … then it’s a real circus around here in this space called my life.

Right now I’ve got a little bit of everything going on, so let me just lay down across that last paragraph, and we’ll have a pretty good representation of my current askewness.

By the way, spell-check would like to suggest “sameness” and “alkenes” as substitutes for the word “askewness”.  Feel free to discuss the deeper meaning.

I don’t want to be negative at all here, because … as you might have figured out … I’m a big advocate of pray about it and follow God’s leading as best you can.

I’m also not much of a rules person, so, yeah, refer to previous guidance about praying about it …

And for anyone who thinks they know how I feel … or how I should feel … um, you might be wrong.  Just sayin’.  J

Motivation & Assumptions

Sorry, no superhero titles this week.

Motivation is a funny thing.

I often ask the question, “How bad do you want it?”  (I even ask myself.)  I’m not sure people really understand.

I heard someone described as lazy the other day.  And certainly this world has its share of lazy individuals.  But what drives lazy?  I think a lot of people are enslaved in a prison of mindset. 

What are the rules of your daily life?  If there were a top ten list of rules on the wall of your brain, what would they be? 

Here are a few ideas:

I can’t do it.

I can’t ask that person for help.

So-and-so will be mad if I try that.

I don’t have time for that.
That kind of a life isn't for people like me.
I can’t afford to.

That person will think I’m weird if I talk to them.

I just need to make it through this job to age fifty & then I can retire early.

I just need to make it through x and then I can y.

Assumptions are a funny thing, too.

I learned through various and sundry management classes in Corporate America that the answer to a question is not always yes or no, A or B, option 1 or option 2.  Most of the time there’s a third option or even many options.  Never assume!

If I assumed that I should have a job in Corporate America until age 65+ because that’s what society says I should do … well, I’d still be miserable and unhealthy and one big bundle of stress.

Some people are meant to be in Corporate America, some are not.  Let’s get down to the real deal … what does God say you should be doing?  Hmmmm?  Has he spoken on the subject?  Have you asked him?

So … what are your rules?  Your assumptions?  What do you think can never change?

And when you think you've been told “no” by an actual person or life in general … are you sure?  How bad do you want it?

Monkey Brains

Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can …

Oh yes, it is that time of year when the weather is getting cooler and the spiders decide indoors is the place to be.  I don’t know if the old wives’ tale about hedge apples in the basement driving them away is correct, but since I have an abundance of the things … better known as “monkey brains” to my niece … there are a couple in each corner.

There are still tons in the yard out by the main road.  Come and get ‘em.

It has been an interesting few days. 

The Spidey Sense has dropped back to its normal whisper level. 

Personally I have been spun up and preoccupied with several things.  And I don’t stress about much usually, but outside forces have been trying to mess with my Zen.

Today I have a smile on my face.  Some would say a Cheshire cat grin even. 

Another headhunter called while I was getting ready for an event the other day.  While listening to his voice mail description of some fab-u-lous job in Corporate America, I believe I actually said out loud, “I’d rather shove a stick in my eye.” 

Oh how I do love being free.

So I continue on with my psychological studies of modern society, etiquette in the technological age, and what constitutes normal.  Hello, is this thing on???

Being able to do business in jeans and flip-flops while sporting blue polish on my toenails is a far cry from the buttoned up world in which I used to reside.  Hmmm … I used to keep clear nail polish in my desk for repairing runs in my stockings.  And I had a decent dry cleaning bill.  I still have a few hangers around from Gardener’s Dry Cleaning in South Charleston.  I think I like now better.  Yes, thank you.

So tell me, what is holding you back?  Sometimes my brain needs a little work.  And sometimes I have to consciously hold my tongue (not literally, but consciously … go ahead, form a mental picture) while I choose how to react to the circus full of things that cross my path each day.  I try to recognize my need for attitude adjustment versus thinking adjustment versus it-really-is-them-not-you-and-keep-going … and just do it.  I run into all of the above on a regular basis. 

Be still and know that He is God and all that. 

OK, next!!!

Spidey Sense

I’m just in awe of God’s handiwork.  And how his plan and his timing differ from mine.  I mean handiwork in terms of how he orchestrates situations and happenings and events.

I am so grateful for contentment.  And patience when I suddenly realize I actually have some. 

Peace that surpasses all understanding.  I find it now and again.  That’s usually when I know something is from God … of God … and I’m headed in the right direction.

Peace versus patience … discuss amongst yourselves.

When I started writing earlier this week I did in fact have patience.  Today I’m slightly on edge and working on praying it away.  The inner circle knows why.

Sometimes I hate being right.

Blegh.

Blegh!!!

There was a time in my life when I would have interpreted the idea of following God’s leading as more of a “do what you’re told” or “do what the bible says” kind of thing.  Pray.  ‘Cause you’re supposed to.  Do unto others & all that.  “Cause you’re supposed to.  Do the right thing.  ‘Cause you’re supposed to.

Lately I seem to have this intuition that … well, the Holy Spirit and I seem to get each other?  As much as that’s possible anyway … I’m pretty sure he gets me more than I get him.  I am certainly not bragging here, I’m just saying that over & over I’m getting nudged and I actually recognize it.  It’s downright scary sometimes.  99.999% of the time when that newfound Spidey Sense of mine goes off I am on the mark.

My weekend travel plans have changed, which is fine.  Multiple reasons to stick closer to home have come up.  And my weekend schedule has changed multiple times in the last twenty-four hours.  Which is also fine.  I’m going with the flow.  Go ahead, nudge me again.

As a planner and an overachiever I’m not used to handing the reins over to someone else in everyday life.  I’m not quite a control freak but comfortable being in charge because it’s expected.  But if God is everywhere … and he’s there in our everyday life … why do I not just immediately say “here you go”?  I mean, it’s not like a total que sera, sera approach is necessarily the way to be, but sometimes I have to wonder why I’m trying so hard. 

It’s God’s plan, not mine.  It’s God’s timing, not mine.  Go ahead, really, nudge me again.

Fear

It’s been almost a month since I posted my random thoughts and ramblings.  I had written a lot over the course of several days … some public, some shared privately, and some not shared at all … and I think I was just out of words. 

Insert joke about me being speechless here.

And I haven’t really been completely speechless.  To the beneficiary of a lot of my recent words – here is your public and yet somewhat anonymous thank you for putting up with me.  You rock.  You know who you are.

And in the meantime maybe it was time to be still and know that He is God.  To find that elusive quiet place and just listen.

Where he tells me be patient, I’m still working, I meant what I said.  You’re strong.  And I’m stronger.

And elusive quite place.  I’ve been distracted by a flurry of, I don’t know, schtuff, activities, things, whatever.  Mostly good.  Just things that needed done but weren’t necessarily in my plan.  Sometimes distractions are distractions, and sometimes maybe they’re a way to occupy our time while we wait on God’s timing.

That patience thing just won’t go away, will it.  Grrrr.

So yeah.  Fear.  And transformation.

I’ve had people tell me they can see my “transformation” just over the last couple months.  I don’t know, I did get my hair cut the other day.  And I am, in fact, wearing a size smaller jeans.  I suppose small changes … applied consistently and patiently … add up.

And the real theme of the day … which finally hit me while I was popping out my contacts for the night … fear. 

I guess I’m not really afraid of that much?

Snakes, definitely snakes.  That’s right, me and Indiana Jones.  I’ve always thought Harrison Ford is hot, so if someone could pass my number along to him, that’d be great.

I suppose I have a generic fear of failure – although I’m not even really sure what that means – and fear of being financially insecure, but even then my God has done an outstanding job of setting things up so I’m in a pretty good place right now.

I wasn’t always this way.  It took a lot of years and a lot of life to become this bold and care this little what others think.

It still often takes conscious decisions to step out.  And little reminders that, “Duh, you should do this.”  But if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear, right??? 

I’m gaining a new appreciation for my uniqueness on this subject.  I mean, I knew I was weird for kind of liking public speaking, which is a huge fear for many people.  And I think a fear of something that can hurt or kill you (like snakes!!!) is probably reasonable.  But letting fear hold you back from happiness, success, something you actually want, and freedom?  Hmmm … depends on the situation, but, well, I guess it’s fear of the unknown … it’s unknown!  So how do you know if you should be afraid of it or not?

I’m laughing out loud because I hate surprises.  But maybe I’m getting ok with them.

And what on earth is a fear of success anyway???  Someone really needs to explain that one to me.

Fearlessness.  It’s a good thing.  You should try it.

Need

I said something the other day that made me stop and think.  Need versus needy.  I don’t like being needy.  It’s unattractive and, well, needy.

But we all have basic needs.  Physical.  Emotional.  Maybe intellectual.

And in the words of Sanctus Real … oh, oh we need each other.

In the past I’ve had friends say something to the effect of, “I need a man” or “I need a husband” or “I need this” or “I need that”.   These are grown-up, mature, reasonably well adjusted adults.  Accomplished Christian women perfectly capable of providing for themselves.

I came up with a mantra for my grown-up friends, and it comes in handy too with my small group girls when teenage drama starts to ensue …

There is only one man you need, and his name is Jesus Christ. 

The rest are just nice-to-have. 

Most of them.

So I try to watch my use of the word “need”. 

And now that I think of it, I should cross-stitch that mantra on a pillow.  I could start a whole new business based on that one phrase alone.  With products available in a variety of neon and princess colors.  An-y-way …

Maybe the joke’s on me.  I have said many times that God has a sense of humor.  I think he’s having a riotously hilarious time with me right now.  (Riotously hilarious … say it five times fast … you know you want to.)

Just when I’m all focused on work, and helping people, and … I don’t know, stuff … I get this flash.  I have this moment.  Twilight-Zone-worthy?  Maybe.  And it will take me longer to describe here than it took to occur, but here goes.  I got this weird feeling – almost physical -- that something was missing.  Wrong.  Not right.  The conversation with God went something like this … and I’m paraphrasing because there weren’t really words … kind of like when you’re at the end of your rope and you know you should pray, but you can’t even put the words together in your head, so you pray anyway without words because God knows what you’re saying … yeah, like that.  OK …

But God, you fill all my needs.

Yes, and this is what I’m giving you.

Really? ‘Cause not to be ungrateful, but it’s not really doing it for me right now.

Patience.  Haha.

Fast forward about a week to today.  I have work and things to do, so I’ve gotten cool with the patience thing for about five seconds.  I even managed to sleep in a little this morning.

Side note … I haven’t been sleeping the best lately, which is unusual for me.  Tell me, is it wrong to pray for the ragweed to die?  Because I feel that my life will be vastly improved – until next spring at least – once that happens.

So yeah, patience, focus, and a to do list.  I roll out of bed and grab my phone to check “the interweb” for the news of the day and such.  And there, staring me in the face, is a big ‘ol message from the big guy.  Not literal, but, you know, we get each other, and we have our inside jokes.  So pretty much he was saying, “Ha, told you so.  And oh, by the way, go get on the treadmill.”

So I got on the treadmill.  Where my stupid lungs cooperated enough for me to run part of the time.  Yay.  J  And where God had a hilarious time with my choice of Addison Road for today’s soundtrack.  Need You Now … Run … Always Love … and so on …

Need … hmpf!

And, OK, fine, I heard you!!!  J  

Prayer and the Twilight Zone

Out of angst comes prayer.  Well there’s always prayer.  But I emerge best from angst with prayer. 

I don’t always get the answer I want.  In fact usually the answer is different than I imagined. 

And then there’s what I’ve been referring to lately as my Twilight Zone moments.  And the Twilight Zone terminology is really doing a disservice …I called them divinely-inspired Twilight Zone moments today.  God moments.  

Sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing the thoughts in my head as God-inspired, my own agenda, Satan-inspired, or just random happenings.  I don’t know, are there really random happenings?  Anyway, my mind is usually running at a million miles an hour.  There are ideas bouncing off the walls in there.  Zing, zip, ding!  (Ouch!)  And there’s dance party music playing. 

And yeah, coincidence versus God-incidence.  Discuss amongst yourselves.

I’m going to be kind of vague today because most of my recent God moments have been very personal.  (I know it may be hard to believe, but I have a life outside the internet.)  I try to discern and follow God’s leading.  Often I feel like I’ve lost my mind.  I know for sure God has a sense of humor.

But every now and again … and fairly often lately … there are those times when it is so clear to me what I’m supposed to do.  I am grateful for the guidance from above.  It doesn’t always make it easy, though.  I don’t always understand why.  I don’t always understand what will come of it.

So with that, I’m going to cut it short and go about my prayers and trying to make sense.  You can find me dancing to the soundtrack and/or voices in my head …

Angst

Ha!  Last week’s post was “Love is Patient” … which has translated suddenly into angst in the air this week.  Why?  I don’t know.  But – hmpf! -- I don’t like it.  And my drama free zone is being threatened. 

Get thee behind me Satan and all that.

For some I think the angst ties to the start of school … and the end of summer in sight.  When I look around there are lots of beginnings and endings, though.  All the classic life events that cause stress … I’m not sure I have more than a couple degrees of separation from any of them. 

Hmmm.  Ugh.

I like to think of myself as a drama squasher.  My job has been, um, interesting the last few days.  Challenging!  There’s the word!

Just when I’d like to unload some of my own angst I find myself with surprisingly little opportunity to do so.  Weird.  What is up with that?  Like any woman, I do sometimes need to vent off all the bad stuff so the good stuff is left behind.  Don’t worry, though, between my conversations with the big guy and verbally throwing up on the computer screen … I’ll be just fine.

What was that thing about patience again???

As an added bonus to my life, when I got on the treadmill the other day … and I thought I was fine … and I thought I would do more running than walking … oops, think again.  Hey, I thought the ragweed wasn’t that high yet!  I pushed it a little, but let’s just say my breathing wasn’t anywhere close to right until the next day.  I wasn’t exactly the picture of patience and lack-of-angst.

The distractions are numerous right now.  A friend described this syndrome last night as – and you have to stand up, clasp your hands together in an appropriate opera-like stance, and sing – “Me, me, me, me, me.”  Actually someone else said much the same thing the other day.  It’s a theme!  We’re all wrapped up in our own worlds.  (Pleading the fifth …)  Understandable … I mean, it’s our world.  Life usually improves when we spend less time inside our heads and more time outside, though.  I wonder what that appropriate ratio is …

So anyway, I finally took my own advice … crank up the Switchfoot and drink another Neuro.  And here I sit, adequately caffeinated and awash in my peevish-existential-mood Jesus music.  (Am I allowed to say all those words in one sentence?)  I also added a grande dark roast to the mix. 

I want out of this machine, it doesn’t feel like freedom …

Love is Patient

Patience.  A virtue I aspire to have someday. 

I am constantly reminded that it’s about God’s timing and not my own.  Perhaps my clinging to a schedule is a testament to my diva-like ways.  Or to my past work life where I was paid to make sure everyone was adhering to a schedule.  I get irked by tardiness, my own included.

But then there are times when I’m reminded that I need to rest.  And be patient. 

Like when – in a rare occurrence – I decide to lay down for a nap … and not set the alarm … and wake up 3-1/2 hours later.

Or when – in a truly deus ex machina-like moment – God himself steers my life in a different direction, because he knows I’m not going to do it on my own.

Love and patience have been going hand in hand lately for me.  And it’s not just that I’m a huge fan of 1 Corinthians 13.  The word “love” and the subject of love keep coming up.  Possibly just a random theme of daily life and people’s Facebook posts.  Or maybe someone is trying to tell me something.  Who knows.

In any case, we’re supposed to show love to others.  Period.  There are a lot of ways that can look.  For anyone who has had the whole agape, phileo, etc., etc., discussion in Sunday school, it’s not always about romantic love.

Sometimes it’s generosity.  Of time.  Material possessions.  Compliments.  A smile.

Sometimes it’s helping someone live up to their potential.

Sometimes it’s being a sounding board.

Sometimes it’s being the voice of reason that keeps drama from taking over.

And honestly for me it can include taking care of myself so I can be more patient.  Those closest to me know I don’t deal well with lack of sleep … so when I start to get cranky, put me to bed.  End of story.  And if I’ve gone more than a day or two without a workout … crankiness will also ensue.  Put me on the treadmill.

Last week I let myself get distracted by time-wasters two days in a row.  I was trying to be nice.  (And show some love!)  I was trying not to be the evil wench.  I was learning, I suppose, as I let the conversation with one drag on forever, so it wasn’t a 100% waste of my time.  But between that discussion and getting completely (and I mean completely) drenched in a rainstorm, I was kind of done for the day.  I hibernated under a blanket and watched the Olympics. 

Productivity did find its way back after a brief respite.  Whew.  Now on to accomplish my to do list.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, I suppose.  I just need to be patient.

Inertia

It always seems easier just to maintain the status quo, right?  If I keep my head down and nose to the grindstone, everything will be ok.

Short aside moment:  Those of you familiar with the song, “Stick to the Status Quo” from High School Musical may commence singing it now.  And yes, I do in fact make the perfect crème brulee.

I know this is hard for many of you to believe, but I used to be an introvert, so I understand not wanting to step out, make waves, or attract attention.  Really, it’s true.  And now that I have overcome introversion …

I prefer to call things like I see them.  And if something needs to change, stop whining and change it!  I look at this world from a faith-based vantage point.  I have prayed many times over the years for God to change my situation or change my perspective.  He always does.  According to his own timing, of course. 

So maybe I should amend that advice … if something needs to change, stop whining and pray about it.  And, although often easier said than done, follow God’s leading on the subject. 

Somehow magically I now find myself mentoring and coaching people on a regular basis.  And while I observe a certain amount of complaining and/or whining about the status quo, I’ve been drilling down into some more interesting themes.  Exhaustion, depression, lack of belief that anything can change, avoidance of failure by not even trying in the first place, and a downright fear of change.  Wow.  And I’m not judging, because I have my own share of down days, but this is all hardly fruit of the spirit material.  Perhaps I’ve found my calling?

So yeah, inertia.  I can’t make you move.  My doctor told me I’m not allowed to lift anything heavy, like ever again anyway … btw all you boys who have been wanting to carry my books for me, now’s your chance.  And for those of you needing to overcome the object-at-rest kind of inertia, I’m happy to use my loud mouth to tell you … just get it and move already!  Maybe start with a little love, joy, peace, patience …