Fear

It’s been almost a month since I posted my random thoughts and ramblings.  I had written a lot over the course of several days … some public, some shared privately, and some not shared at all … and I think I was just out of words. 

Insert joke about me being speechless here.

And I haven’t really been completely speechless.  To the beneficiary of a lot of my recent words – here is your public and yet somewhat anonymous thank you for putting up with me.  You rock.  You know who you are.

And in the meantime maybe it was time to be still and know that He is God.  To find that elusive quiet place and just listen.

Where he tells me be patient, I’m still working, I meant what I said.  You’re strong.  And I’m stronger.

And elusive quite place.  I’ve been distracted by a flurry of, I don’t know, schtuff, activities, things, whatever.  Mostly good.  Just things that needed done but weren’t necessarily in my plan.  Sometimes distractions are distractions, and sometimes maybe they’re a way to occupy our time while we wait on God’s timing.

That patience thing just won’t go away, will it.  Grrrr.

So yeah.  Fear.  And transformation.

I’ve had people tell me they can see my “transformation” just over the last couple months.  I don’t know, I did get my hair cut the other day.  And I am, in fact, wearing a size smaller jeans.  I suppose small changes … applied consistently and patiently … add up.

And the real theme of the day … which finally hit me while I was popping out my contacts for the night … fear. 

I guess I’m not really afraid of that much?

Snakes, definitely snakes.  That’s right, me and Indiana Jones.  I’ve always thought Harrison Ford is hot, so if someone could pass my number along to him, that’d be great.

I suppose I have a generic fear of failure – although I’m not even really sure what that means – and fear of being financially insecure, but even then my God has done an outstanding job of setting things up so I’m in a pretty good place right now.

I wasn’t always this way.  It took a lot of years and a lot of life to become this bold and care this little what others think.

It still often takes conscious decisions to step out.  And little reminders that, “Duh, you should do this.”  But if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear, right??? 

I’m gaining a new appreciation for my uniqueness on this subject.  I mean, I knew I was weird for kind of liking public speaking, which is a huge fear for many people.  And I think a fear of something that can hurt or kill you (like snakes!!!) is probably reasonable.  But letting fear hold you back from happiness, success, something you actually want, and freedom?  Hmmm … depends on the situation, but, well, I guess it’s fear of the unknown … it’s unknown!  So how do you know if you should be afraid of it or not?

I’m laughing out loud because I hate surprises.  But maybe I’m getting ok with them.

And what on earth is a fear of success anyway???  Someone really needs to explain that one to me.

Fearlessness.  It’s a good thing.  You should try it.